As a young boy...coming of age in the 80's. One learned to be creative, when it came to finding material to use for ones...ahem..."self-pleasuring"...wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more.
I wouldn't speak of such things...but, I think it's an interesting story...and informative...really.
Sometimes, something as simple as the ladies under garment section of the JC Penneys catalog would suffice. The female caulking-gun slinger on a tube of Liquid Nails was kind of hot...and how could you dismiss the innocent face of Lil' Debbie...and her line of tasty treats., well...I guess that was more a love affair with the cakes, than Miss Debbie herself...no offense Debbie, I still think your Swiss Cake Rolls put Ho-Ho's to shame.
There were certain tv shows...that aided in the sinful duty...Benny Hill [of course...nothing sexier, than sassy, stacked, half-dressed British chicks, with horrid teeth...pronounced "orrid"]...my father was an avid viewer of Benny's show...much to the dismay, of my mother...the would-be prude.
G.L.O.W., "Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling"...was a wonderful display of women in wrasslin' tights...making complete asses of themselves, in the squared circle. While some of them were truly "gorgeous"...some of them were fucking "Husqvarnas"...a term favored by my papa.
There could be several hundreds of shows, and several hundreds tv chickies...if you really wanna get technical...with the likes of...Heather Thomas on "The Fall Guy" [Oh Yeah!], Jane Badler of "V", Daisy Duke, Ellie Mae, Marcia Brady, The Hee Haw girls and Connie Fucking Selleca...just name a few.
As useful as these examples were in the masturbatory elimination...still sometimes, on a few key occasions...something happened, so rare, that I could practically count the occurrences on one hand, something so beautiful...that one would break down and pray...Oh Lord...thou art grateful, for thine gift of free, and possibly unintentional nudity, displayed here-in this program...if it is your will...that the station be fined up the ass by the feds...than so be it...amen. The phenomenon in queue, full-frontal nudity on broadcast television.
KEKR Channel 62...was a reasonably new UHF station that signed-on September 12th, 1983 [I was there, perched in front of the boob tube when it happened]...they aired cartoons, re-ran sitcoms, religious programs, and films in the evening...the stations early incarnation was very lackluster...they only had 3 commercials on the first day, which ran during every break...and when they weren't showing the commercials...they ran a slide of their logo. The failing station was later bought out by Media Central Inc., of Chattanooga, TN. in 1985, and renamed KZKC "Super 62"...the new station added more sitcoms and cartoons...and lost the religious programming all together. At this time they also started their "Complete and Uncut" package. This got them into trouble...when they ran the film "Private Lessons"...with uncut, frontal nudity.
Information provides...that other films [including "Carrie", "Massacre At Central High", "Student Bodies", and "My Tutor" were shown on 62, uncut...in a practice the station referred to as "sweeps stacking"...eventually, a local school teacher reported KZKC to the FCC...KZKC Channel 62, became the first station to be formally charged with indecency in decades. Media Central Inc., denied the claims...setting the stage for a battle over KZKC's license. The station was sold again in 1988, and became KSMO TV 62...which it remains today.
One evening; I personally witnessed an airing of the film, "Summer Lovers" [1982...starring Peter Gallagher and Darryl Hannah] with all the nudity and sex included...I really could not fathom what I was seeing...believe me...I did not complain to the FCC...I did the fucking happy dance.
On 2 separate occasions I caught some softcore Cinemax-style action on our local PBS station, KCPT Channel 19....this was late at night, after their sign-off...and several minutes into the "bars and tones"...I remember for sure, that one of the films was Andy Sedaris's "Picasso Trigger." I do not recall the other.
I have toured Channel 19...and have seen their broadcasting booth...it can truly be a one man job at times...so, it's not that unbelievable that a sneaky, over-worked programmer could sit there and stick in a naughty film, just for shits and grins...late at night.
It was most likely around this period that I had my first "real" porn experience...when my buddie Ralphie stuck a tape in his fathers BETA player...a tape of the 1980's porno film called "Fashion Dolls."...I can still hear the housekeeper screeching at him to take it out...but he didn't...the rest is history.