Finding an Old Blog...

Is like finding a long lost shipwreck, bobbing in the ether like a well bloated racoon...full of thoughts, ideas, gripes and what have ya. I'm sure there's literally 1,000's out there, rotting away in cyberspace...random babblin's of weird fetish blogs about men that stick kitchen utensils up their butts...sappy, lovesick, teenage bullshit...Britney Spears fan blogs...pages that at one time seemed like a cool idea...started with good intentions...but, now forgotten about.

Well, I happened to find this one...that for some reason I started back in May 2009, my Ceratonin levels must have been through the roof then, because from me to wanna write...and express my ideas through that period...was rare. But, I did...proud of myself...kinda. So as I sit here naked...wearing only a tin-foil hat, in my Ted Kazinski shack, poised atop a vibrating gas generator...huntin' and peckin' out random thoughts...I invite you to read shit, look at art, buy ART!...comment...whateva, that's why they call it a blog. Cuz it's the combination of BIG and LOG...meaning to lay out a big log, of turd...I dunno, why they call it a blog...fuck it!

Matt and Uncle Roy...back in the saddle again...

Random Scrawlings of the Discontent...

Here's some graffiti I spotted while on the Moire video shoot.

You think this way...until a bunch of fuckers are dealin' a beatin' on your ass...and you need help...just saying.

Macoutes

From my friend EvelSteves Blog...Macoutes!

There's something about this photo...I just can't put a finger on it...but I would like to put one in it...

The Stick..."We Hardly Knew Ya"

This will no doubt be a brief article...because frankly, I know nothing about the enigma, the mystery man...known only as "The Stick"...and it appears that I am not alone...nobody does...except God, "The Stick" himself...and possibly, his loved ones.

On IMDB, he is listed only as "The Stick"...in the closing credits for Student Bodies, he is listed as The Stick...there is only one other piece of work to his credit...a Nickelodeon show called "Out Of Control" [with Dave Coulier], of which it appears he partook in one episode...if you enter his name as a search in Google, you get tons of sites where the common question is..."Whatever Happened To The Stick?"...this is something many would like to know.

What do we know?...we know that "The Stick" is really only known for his role as "Malvert The Janitor", in the 1981 horror/comedy film Student Bodies. Malvert The Janitor, was truly a disturbing and memorable character...double jointed, as skinny as a rail...or a stick...and retarded to boot. The Stick as far as I am concerned, is the selling point for watching Student Bodies.

In surfing around on the net, for Stick info...I found that he may have died in the late 80's [info may have come from an interview with the director of the film, Mickey Rose, the source could not remember for sure]...but, that is not a proven fact. In my own frame of thinking...I see "The Stick" as mid to late 40's in 1981, when the film came out...that would put him near 70 today...I wanna think that he couldn't have been the healthiest guy in the world...so maybe it's true...but, I hope not.

If so...R.I.P. Stick...we will always remember that, "Malvert Pee Red."

Uncle Roy...

A Little Rod Stewart Confusion

Now before I go on...telling this tale of childhood confusion, I wanna warn folks...that a certain word...will be used, more than once in this...that word is, nigger. If it offends thee...close the page...go elsewhere on the Internet...go look at donkey porn...I don't care...just don't come crying to me.

Circa 1983, our next door neighbors son [who died from AIDS, a little while back], had a poster of Rod Stewart on his bedroom wall...[maybe that should have been a red flag...I mean, of all things to have a poster of on your wall in the 80's, when your a lad...I can see Farrah Fawcett or Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, or even KISS...but, Rod Stewart]...just sayin'.

One afternoon, whilst in his bedroom, playing with some Star Wars figures. I noticed this poster...hanging on the wall, stuck up there with tape...above the headboard. I didn't really think anything of it at the time...but later, I got up to look at it more closely...and there, at the bottom...in ballpoint pen...somebody had scrawled... "NIGGERS STINK"...right upon Rod's crotchial region. Rod was clad in red leather pants, a white peasants blouse and was accompanied by his band in the poster...all of them, in sexy pouting rockstar poses.

I am surprised now...that I could even read those words, let alone...the fact that I knew who Rod Stewart was...at the tender young age of 9...but I could and did.

For years, afterwards...until I started getting into music...I just assumed that what I had read was part of the poster...I had assumed that Rod Stewart, must have been openly racist...and had released an album entitled..."Niggers Stink"...and that everyone just overlooked that little tidbit, and he was this huge mega-star despite it. Hold on, can you imagine the audacity and gall it would take to do something like that...he'd be a ball-licking disgrace...he'd be spraying bowling shoes somewhere in Scotland.

Then, in 5th or 6th grade, I first heard the old urban legend about Rod collapsing on stage [from a kid named Todd MacMillan...who was your typical dumbass 80's rocker dude...jean jacket with resin stains on the sleeves, and a Goodie comb in his back pocket]...and being rushed to the hospital, where they discovered and extracted 2 gallons of semen from his stomach. This was also, just about the time when I heard about that mysterious girl that nobody ever knew personally, who stuck a hot dog up her twazzer, at the lunchtable...and broke it off...now, as far as I am concerned today, that kinda girl is marryin' material.

Anyway...I thought..."What the fuck?!"..."This guy puts out an album called "Niggers Stink"...and then takes a nose dive on stage because he's cum drunk...this is fuckin' nuts!"...he's either the ballsiest son of a bitch that's ever lived...or he's some kind of mental deficient...that needs to be locked away.

Well, of course...eventually I grew up, and figured it all out...that it was physically impossible for Rod Stewart, singer of the hit song "Maggie Mae"...to have 2 gallons of semen in his stomach, and that he never released an LP called "Niggers Stink". He wouldn't be performing today, if he had. And plus, that record would be one of the most notorious collectors albums of all time...it would be non-existent...at auction it would sell for 6 billion dollars...it would have been recalled, hunted like a witch and destroyed in a mass burnings, all over the world...people would have fled from the smoke that the melting vinyl generated...because they wouldn't have wanted to inhale it's black smoke of hatred and persecution.

A few years later, I heard that they had found 2 gallons of semen in the stomach of Jon Bon-Jovi...I'm not gonna argue with that one.

Uncle Roy...

Naughty Occurrences on Kansas City Broadcast TV

As a young boy...coming of age in the 80's. One learned to be creative, when it came to finding material to use for ones...ahem..."self-pleasuring"...wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more.
I wouldn't speak of such things...but, I think it's an interesting story...and informative...really.
Sometimes, something as simple as the ladies under garment section of the JC Penneys catalog would suffice. The female caulking-gun slinger on a tube of Liquid Nails was kind of hot...and how could you dismiss the innocent face of Lil' Debbie...and her line of tasty treats., well...I guess that was more a love affair with the cakes, than Miss Debbie herself...no offense Debbie, I still think your Swiss Cake Rolls put Ho-Ho's to shame.
There were certain tv shows...that aided in the sinful duty...Benny Hill [of course...nothing sexier, than sassy, stacked, half-dressed British chicks, with horrid teeth...pronounced "orrid"]...my father was an avid viewer of Benny's show...much to the dismay, of my mother...the would-be prude.
G.L.O.W., "Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling"...was a wonderful display of women in wrasslin' tights...making complete asses of themselves, in the squared circle. While some of them were truly "gorgeous"...some of them were fucking "Husqvarnas"...a term favored by my papa.
There could be several hundreds of shows, and several hundreds tv chickies...if you really wanna get technical...with the likes of...Heather Thomas on "The Fall Guy" [Oh Yeah!], Jane Badler of "V", Daisy Duke, Ellie Mae, Marcia Brady, The Hee Haw girls and Connie Fucking Selleca...just name a few.
As useful as these examples were in the masturbatory elimination...still sometimes, on a few key occasions...something happened, so rare, that I could practically count the occurrences on one hand, something so beautiful...that one would break down and pray...Oh Lord...thou art grateful, for thine gift of free, and possibly unintentional nudity, displayed here-in this program...if it is your will...that the station be fined up the ass by the feds...than so be it...amen. The phenomenon in queue, full-frontal nudity on broadcast television.

KEKR Channel 62...was a reasonably new UHF station that signed-on September 12th, 1983 [I was there, perched in front of the boob tube when it happened]...they aired cartoons, re-ran sitcoms, religious programs, and films in the evening...the stations early incarnation was very lackluster...they only had 3 commercials on the first day, which ran during every break...and when they weren't showing the commercials...they ran a slide of their logo. The failing station was later bought out by Media Central Inc., of Chattanooga, TN. in 1985, and renamed KZKC "Super 62"...the new station added more sitcoms and cartoons...and lost the religious programming all together. At this time they also started their "Complete and Uncut" package. This got them into trouble...when they ran the film "Private Lessons"...with uncut, frontal nudity.
Information provides...that other films [including "Carrie", "Massacre At Central High", "Student Bodies", and "My Tutor" were shown on 62, uncut...in a practice the station referred to as "sweeps stacking"...eventually, a local school teacher reported KZKC to the FCC...KZKC Channel 62, became the first station to be formally charged with indecency in decades. Media Central Inc., denied the claims...setting the stage for a battle over KZKC's license. The station was sold again in 1988, and became KSMO TV 62...which it remains today.
One evening; I personally witnessed an airing of the film, "Summer Lovers" [1982...starring Peter Gallagher and Darryl Hannah] with all the nudity and sex included...I really could not fathom what I was seeing...believe me...I did not complain to the FCC...I did the fucking happy dance.
On 2 separate occasions I caught some softcore Cinemax-style action on our local PBS station, KCPT Channel 19....this was late at night, after their sign-off...and several minutes into the "bars and tones"...I remember for sure, that one of the films was Andy Sedaris's "Picasso Trigger." I do not recall the other.
I have toured Channel 19...and have seen their broadcasting booth...it can truly be a one man job at times...so, it's not that unbelievable that a sneaky, over-worked programmer could sit there and stick in a naughty film, just for shits and grins...late at night.
It was most likely around this period that I had my first "real" porn experience...when my buddie Ralphie stuck a tape in his fathers BETA player...a tape of the 1980's porno film called "Fashion Dolls."...I can still hear the housekeeper screeching at him to take it out...but he didn't...the rest is history.

Uncle Roy...

Memories of "The Outhouse"

Many moons ago...myself and one of my longtime compatriots attended a punk rock show down at the "world famous" Outhouse, in Lawrence, Kansas. The Outhouse had given stage to some of the bigger bands in underground music, at one time or another...to name a few...Nirvana, Sonic Youth, Bad Brains, The Jesus Lizard, L7, The Melvins, Primus and many, many others.

I never saw the heyday of The Outhouse, when bands like this played there...the majority of the ones I saw...were towards the end of it's music venue incarnation...it's last gasp for air...oddly enough..it would later be sold, and become a very skanky BYOB strip club...which it is currently.

The Outhouse, for lack of better description was a cinder block garage, in the middle of nowhere. The toilets only worked part of the time, if they hadn't been smashed all together...[seems I recall pissin' into an old pop machine, behind the building]. There was no security, very little lighting...it was out of jurisdiction for Lawrence police, so underage drinking was a staple. With no authority it was the perfect place to have a no-holds barred punk rock or metal show...with as much chaos you could to muster.

The main attraction of the place, was "the beam"...which was basically a steel ceiling girder that ran parallel to the stage...across the entire length of the building...kids would grab this beam and swing from it, over the crowd...kicking each other in the heads.

It had been raining a lot, the prior few days...so the Outhouse had about 4 inches of muddy water on the floor...there were electrical lines running it...a real hazard...kids were playing in it, splashing it all over each other...the lights were flashing on and off...the sound was fucked up...but, the show went on.The show in question...was a doozey, by Kansas City standards...Cretin 66, The Bubble Boys, Black Label, and some others...I don't remember.

During the show, I went outside for some reason...and see these 3 guttersnipe kids jumping up and down on my car [the late great '86 Buick Skylark, which I sold to a scrapyard for 60 bucks, after the block cracked...to buy weed...shame ;)]. They were kicking in the fenders and doors. Some big fat-fuck teenage skinhead, was jumping up and down on the hood, so hard...that the wing-nut that held the blower cover on, went through the hood. Still today, I can clearly remember what these fucks looked like...well, at least 2 of them...one was a tall, skinny kid...with a spiked belt and a black stocking cap, and the other was this great big mushy-assed faggot...wearing a wife-beater and red suspenders.

I shouted..."Hey, what the fuck!!!"...they just kind of glared at me, and scampered off, giggling...like fucking rats...snickering, fucking little shit-ass rats...It really didn't matter that much to me...in fact, it struck me as funny..."The Mighty Skylark" [named Edna...after Edna Garrett from The Facts of Life], was what you would call a "Party-Mobile"...it had been through Hell, and back...covered with stickers...it had many mechanical issues...many dents, lots o' rust, stains, scratches...hell, it even had a few "real" bullet holes in it...not the stick on kind, mind you...she looked like shit...but, she was reliable...not unlike The Millenium Falcon.

I went in to tell my buddy, what I had just observed...we then devised a plan of retaliation...a simple, plan...but effective.

These kids had arrived to the show...in one of their parents car...it was a big off- white Cadillac, with a cloth top...a very nice car...that they had sadly, left the windows down on. My pal and I, crept over to their car...me on one side, him on the other...we unzipped our trousers...whipped out our offending members...and let it go...all over the door handles, all over the seats, the dash, the steering wheel...everywhere...I had a full bladder of some shitty, cheap-ass beer...all of which, I left in the front seat of daddy's caddy. I hope they had fun cleaning that up...or hopefully, they never realized what had happened...and it got real foul in there. One day daddy's driving to work, when he starts to notice that aromatic scent of slightly used Natty Light permeating from the interior...and later, returns home to jump in juniors ass. Ah, revenge is sweet...but, it's all the more sweeter with the great taste of Old Milwaukee's Best.

After this...the bands played on...it seems that I recall the power going out a few times. When it came time to leave, I found that The Mighty Skylark, was mired in the muck...and when I set to stomping the gas...my wheels only dug in deeper. Just then a few friendly, saintly punk rock fellers offered to give me a push. As they positioned themselves behind the car, and began to push with all their might...I laid into to that gas...like a hungry prison dyke lays into fresh fish...and showered them with mud and shit. All I remember seeing in the rear view mirror as I peeled away...was 3 punks, who now resembled...Pygmy Mud-Men.

Uncle Roy...